1) He lived at home until he was 30. Some ships are wooden ships, but those ships may sink. Use. 26.) 38. When Whiskey met Cognac at the mixer it was clear their relationship was on the rocks. David Emis the Founder and Lead Punster of Box of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor to life. To keep a marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, when you are wrong admit it, and when you are right, shut up! | What's New |
You can entertain everyone while being witty and thoughtful. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. But a whiskey glass and a fat girl's ass are home, sweet home to me. After recovering from his shock, the bartender thinks, Hey, this gorilla doesnt know how much drinks cost, and hands him back one dollar in change, saying, We dont get too many gorillas in here. The gorilla replies, At 19 bucks a drink, Im not surprised., 60.) Heartbreak makes you wiser. Heres to the heat. Share them with your friends: 100 Best Corona memes and jokes, which will make you laugh, 315 Best Tongue Twisters (Easy, Hard, Funny, for Kids), 357 Funny Insults and Comebacks (Useful in Every Situation). Id like to say a little prayer for world peace. -Phil Connors. Love is blind, but marriage is the eye opener. All Illustrations: Aida Amer (Glassware: Boleslaw Kubica/ Shutterstock) Raise your glass and sing a song of celebration! Don't think there are no second chances. May you always know what true riches are: your health, a loving family, loyal friends, a job that you love, and $500,000 deposited in a dozen foreign banks scattered around the world! (Aw-vlee-an fee vosh-eh gwit) ****. Heres to the big bull in the wood.He does the cows and heifers good.If it werent for his long, long rod,Then what would we do for beef, by God? May all your troubles during the coming year be as short as your New Year's resolutions. ToastsforMen | ToastsforWomen | GayToasts | ToastAnecdotes | BawdyDefinitions | AntiquatedBawdyToasts | BawdyGermanToasts | CheersBigEars
47.) So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!" "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. Here is to love that never grows old, and if it does, lets hope by that time were too old to leave each other and start new marriages. May they never stop. Cheers to beers and legs behind your ears. To your very good health. A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. For last year's words belong to last year's language, and next year's words await another voice. I drank to your health so many times.I nearly ruined my own." Heres to alcohol, the rose-colored glasses of life. If you are looking for some extra entertainment to lighten up your party, check out these 17 Drinking Games. 39. But the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. Knowing your audience plays a huge part in the success of a toast. When you feel like crap from drinking wine, its called the grape depression. 35.) 90.) The cheer and good will of friends to you. May the dreams you hold dearest, be those which come true. Ive lost three days already. Dont worry. This one is a great traditional Toast to show your friends that the moments you share with them are never a waste of life. May God bless old Ireland, thats this Irishmans toast. A termite walks into a bar and says, Where is the bar tender?. Funny toasts are an excellent way to enhance any party or evening out. 3. Here's to the ones we love dearest and most. "Here's champagne for our real friends, and real pain for our sham friends.". So, lets all get drunk, and go to heaven! 10.) Heres to the Army and Navy and the battles they have won.Heres to Americas colors, the colors that never run.May the wings of liberty never lose a feather.Jack Burton (movie king of drinking toasts). The test of Gold is Fire The test of Truth is Time The test of Gods love are the heavens above and everything sublime. Here's an Irish toast to your wedding: May the roof over your heads be as well thatched As those inside are well matched. Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. - Stephen King. 31.) to . Happy birthday to you for years to come. PROGRAMAO. Heres to your liver! Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. Heres to wine, wit, and wisdom. For if ever they all left the country at once, Wed be left in a state of stagnation. I fear my last words will be hold my beer and watch this.. -Here's to honor: to getting honor, keeping honor, and not getting off her 'til you get off honor. 68.) And, while some will make great finishers for a . Heres to clean glasses and old corks. Others are long but great drinking toasts perfect for telling your closest friends. 5. A cop pulls him over. Heres to wars and revolution. 95.) You may not be as wise as an owl, but youre always a hoot. Toasts date back to Ancient Greece as a ritual and drinking to each others health. If you Fight, may you fight for a friend. Happy Birthday. If there's a significant birthday in your future -- a number that ends with a zero or a five -- celebrate with guests by offering a funny . A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. Conditions of
11. To Hell. To the kisses weve snatched and vice versa! If you fight, may you fight for a brother. But, if by chance we disagree, Up yours! Of all my favorite things to do, The utmost is to have a brew. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. Never underestimate the power you have to take your life in a new direction. 3.) A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm.Two pints, please. 11. . I drink straight out of the wine bottle while cooking. Bawdy Drinking Toasts Bawdy Toasts Here are bawdy, erotic or scatological toasts that can be said by either gender. May the luck of the Irish Lead to happiest heights And the highway you travel Be lined with green lights. Hey bartender, I need a beer. You had to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women. Here are some funny drinking toasts to make birthdays more special and induce gales of laughter. It is a sign of appreciation and acceptance of the toast. Today, take time to relax and enjoy your day because you deserve it! 34.) What did the grape say when it was crushed? Toasts Quotes. Sometimes its nice to have a common toast ready that works in every situation. And love is good, and life is long, and friends are best together. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, Id like a beer and a mop., 54.) When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. If you have a bawdy or erotic toast, please send it to me at . The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. It is customary to take a sip of your drink when someone toasts you. Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. May you live each day like your last, and live each night like your first. Here's to wars and revolution. To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. May you live to be as old as your jokes." #9. Pain makes you stronger. I drank to your health in company. A New Years toast to love and laughter and happily ever after. Now lets get to drinking! But not too many toastings, lest you lose yourself, and then forget about good Patrick and see all those snakes again. Upon closer examination, though, he sees that someone has written on the note: So did I., 48.) To our health: May we all live to be as old as my jokes. Humorous birthday toasts and funny sayings give us a chance to laugh at the trials and tribulations of maturity. May God bless old Ireland, thats this Irishmans toast. 83.) Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers. Our mission is to deliver fresh and enjoyable content. Culture toast toasts 1. Heres to hell. Everyone has their own path, fortunately mine leads to the liquor store. After a sudden burst of inspiration, he pulls out a small pad of paper and writes on it: I spit in this beer. Putting the note on the beer, he heads off to the bathroom. "May we generally be happy, generally be witty, generally be honest, but above all always be interesting.". Son, when I was your age there was no social media. 32. Cookie Notice To our best friends, who know the most about us, but refuse to believe it. To those who have seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and cant tell the difference. 5.) Heres to lesbians, because they have good taste. 5.) May your heart be light and happy. I raise my head in agreement. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. If youre nervous about meeting new people, a funny toast can help put everyone at ease. Here's to the year aheadour brightest one yet! 3.) Heres to the long and straight piece in Tetris. 15. It was very romantic he got up on one knee. The warmth of home and hearth to you. 5. May we never meet a friend coming down when climbing the hill of prosperity. 96.) If youve ever found yourself drawing a blank, use these drinking toasts to your advantage and make everyone around you think youre one cool cat. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. May life last as long as it is worth wearing. Few of us want to hear a long boring toast. Heres to steak when youre hungry Whiskey when youre dry A lover when you need one And Heaven when you . Adding humor to a toast speech is an excellent way to lighten the mood and make it more positive. We hope you found some quote within this list that suits you and represents you as a character. on 2015-09-11]. by Eric Grundhauser July 25, 2018. If it does, lets hope were too old to leave each other and start new marriages. "Trust me: You can dance Alcohol." Unknown "Responsible Drinking? Lifes a waste of time and times a waste of life. The bartender said Sorry sir, we dont serve spirits here!, 49.) "Except me mammy, of course!" "Well then," says Seamus. 2) Just before he died he went drinking with his mates. May you always walk on a path lined with happy moments at every bend and a destination filled with love, peace and fulfillment. May our children be blessed with rich parents! When we get drunk, we fall asleep. May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: This drinks on me., Heres to the girls who do And heres to the girls who dont And heres to the girls who say they never will, But when the time comes, wont. To those who have seen us at our best and at our worst, and still cant tell the difference. Thats unfortunate for these two! "Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker." An oldie but goodie. 8. Where are they? The bartender turns to the band and yells, Frank, Ive got a lead on the guy who ruined your sax!, 43.) 1. Heres to those who have seen us at our best and seen at our worst and cant tell the difference. 52.) May they never stop. Heres to Dame Fortune; may she smile upon you. 6. I found a message in a bottle. Life and beer are very similar. To my schizophrenic friend. Here's to champagne for our real friends, and a real pain to our sham friends. Heres to honor. There's endless Irish jokes. Heres to It, And to It again. MGrooms94 10 yr. ago. Here's to love, laughter, and a happily ever after. And vodka makes you not remember any of that cr*p. Heres to staying positive and testing negative! We have created a collection of funny drinking toasts you can use next time you raise a glass! Heres to the man who takes the pledge Who keeps his word and does not hedge Who wont give up and wont give in Till the last mans out and theres no more gin. Lifes a waste of time and times a waste of life, so lets get wasted all the time and have the time of our lives. [15 August 2003. by Anonymous (it is in email archive --JP). So fill your glass with anything And damn your souls, Ill drink it! I drank to your health alone. Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. I want to thank you all for coming, especially my parents, [when you were conceived] years ago. A good girl and an honest one, a cold pint and another one. You can jump directly to your favorite category: Do you like these ? 18. I improve with wine. Funny Ideas of Birthday Toasts for Friends. God damn them! And vodka makes you not remember any of that. 12.) "The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift because it's the present." #8. 23. Heres to champagne for our real friends and real pain for our fake friends. To our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet. May we kiss who we please, And please who we kiss. Be hoppy.. Heartbreak makes you wiser. May you have the hindsight to know where youve been, the foresight to know where youre going, and the insight to know when you have gone too far. May we get to Heaven, a full half-hour before the devil knows yer dead. Heres to lobster tail and beer. Its ok if you sometimes find no better reasons for drinking. May you die in bed at 95 years, Shot by a jealous wife. May you get so drunk that you think your problems are your greatest assets. Heres to alcohol, which often makes one see double and feel single. Humorous birthday toasts. Heres to Dame Fortune. Then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.W. As you can see, there are many ways to give a toast. Heres to a night on the town, new faces all around, taking the time to finally unwind, tonight its about to go down! AG. Start a bachelor party or any celebration at the bar with this winning poetic but funny toast. Check out our collection of 100+ party games for all ages! The best ships are friendships and to those, we drink. Not the heat that brings down barns and shanties, but the heat that brings down bras and panties. Tomorrow is the first page of a new book. Best. 33.) Heres to the land of the shamrock so green, And heres to each lad and his darlin'Colleen, Heres to the ones we love dearest and most. I only drink on days beginning with T. Where you go and whatever you do, may the luck of the Irish be there with you. "Here's to women, beer and song, may none of them be flat." 3. 4. 33. However, in casual settings, the terms are often used interchangeably. To hell: May the stay there be as fun as the way there. Lets get wasted all the time and have the time of our life. However, the bar is crowded, and he doesnt want to leave his full beer on the bar because hes afraid someone will drink it. My condolences on your loss." "My brothers are still alive," the Irishman says. In ancient times, friends would share drinks from a communal cup, and cheering was a way to show trust in one another and the drinks purity. One beer, two beer, three beer, four. Now we compare statins. Heres to all the days that end in Y. And if you drink, may you drink with me. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and the rains fall soft upon your fields. When we were young, we would compare liquor and women. Tears make you braver. May you always remember to fight with two words, Yes, dear.. With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come. Beer! 4: Season of Mists [my personal favorite] Toaster: Excelsior! Be warned, though: a few may not be suitable for all audiences, so choose wisely. Here's to the present and the friends who are here. May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten. He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious, I said he had no proof. May the very best of your past being the very worst of your future. May the roof over your head be always strong. 3. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. May your troubles be less, and your blessings be more, and nothing but happiness come through your door. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. 82.) To the holidaysall 365 of them. One cant deny that Homer Simpson is for sure a clever guy. May the stay there be as enjoyable as the way there. 13. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. Heres to doing and drinking, Not sitting and thinking. For a good reason! So fine and divine, they bleed every month, and bear every nine. Raising children takes a village, preferably one with many vineyards. (Sinatra), 11. True friendship means loving each other for who we really are. If you steal, may you steal a woman's heart. Heres to the women who love me terribly, May they soon improve. Let us have wine and women Mirth and laughter Sermons and soda-water The day after. Me: I love you.You: Is that you or the wine talking?Me: Its me talking to the wine.. May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune. Why do they never serve beer at a math party?Because you cant drink and derive. We asked Atlas . A tennis ball walks into a bar. Stop trying to make everyone happy. If it werent for his long, long rod, Then what would we do for beef, by God? Stay foolish. Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. It is kind of easier to play naughty bachelorette party games and answer funny bachelorette questions when you have had a shot or two. 3. The kindness you spread, keep returning to you. I drank to your health in company. Today, toasts are for parties, weddings, gatherings, and events. Heartbreak makes you wiser. The two secrets to a long-lasting marriage are a good sense of humor and a short memory. Get excited about the future. May you have nicer legs than yours under the table before the new spuds are up. Many of the toast avocado toast puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. Heres to alcohol, which often makes one see double and feel single. Weve assembled a hilarious list of drinking humor to get a laugh or a smile out of the toughest audience. Never look at your beer as half empty. God in goodness sent us grapes to cheer both great and small. When the glass is full, Drink up! Three of my favorite things. A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. 35. Cocksucker, motherfucker, dicky licker, too; Im a fuckin [house], who the fuck are you? May the lilt of Irish laughter lighten every load. Hey, it COULD happen! May the doctor never earn even a cent from you. 10. And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap. When I like them, I kiss them. To Astra!!! 4. May the stay there be as enjoyable as the way there." "I drank to your health in company. Cop: Have you been out drinking?Me: Uh yeah, Im 28, Ive been out drinking literally hundreds of times.. To the new couple: Never sweat the petty things, but always pet the sweaty things. Thats all for now, I gotta pee. And may your pockets always have a coin or two inside. If you are celebrating your second wedding, this quote might be the right one. [Retrieved from http://www.tamut.com/toasts/ on 15 August 2003], Here's a toast to the Man I love, he is rich
Jokes vs toasts. A duck walks in a bar and orders a beer then says Put it on my bill.. Best friends bring beer. If you steal, may you steal a woman's heart. An ox walks into a bar. I dont! but just for you, I will.. Look like a beauty, party like a beast One more night, let's do it right Hit me baby, one more wine Pop it like it's hot This bitch is gettin' hitched Sip happens 'Til death do us party Come on. BloonWars 10 yr. ago. Its better to be a well-known drunk than an anonymous alcoholic. When climbing the hill of prosperity, may we never meet a friend coming down! 20.) Time is a waste of life. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. I wont. 71.) A toast to bread, without bread there would be no toast. May you live for as long as you want, and never want for as long as you live! Two men walked into a bar. Heres to those who wish us well, all the rest can go to hell. There is nothing like sarcastic, goofy toasts. Hes good people. And after my house and my wife. For if anything drives men to drink, she certainly can do it. Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. 9. Here's to the women that wear white shoes They smoke our dope, they drink our booze That may have lost their cherry, but that's no sin When we drink, we get drunk. To hell: May the stay there be as fun as the way there. A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. Irish Drinking Toasts. Wishing you more happiness than all my words can tellnot just for tonight, but all the year as well. 12. Not the heat that brings down barns and shanties, but the heat that brings down bras and panties. However, suppose you do not drink alcohol or want to consume less at the moment. May you live to be as old as your jokes. Here's to milk, eggs, bread, and cinnamon. Love like youve never been hurt. But the oceans not beer, and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. 27.) Shits bread and butter. Paddy and Seamus are sitting in a small town bar. 87.) Heres to a long life and a merry one, a quick ending and a happy one, a good girl and a pretty one, a cold bottle and another one. May the roof over your head be always strong. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks, and the woman listens. How do you know if someone likes craft beer? And may your troubles slide off of you slicker than snot. That's why she has us as friends. It was a brewed awakening. 69.) If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I'd swim to the bottom and drink myself up. Heres toasting to your health. 5. In the New Year, may your right hand always be stretched out in friendship, but never in want. 64.) As you look back at the recent pages of your life, take comfort and pride in your achievements. Then I hit the floor. May all your ups and downs be under the covers! Choose your words wisely. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. It teases, it pleases, it spreads all diseases God what a snatch Down the hatch Here's to the hole that never heals The more you rub it the better it feels And all the soap this side of hell Won't wash away that fishy smell Here's to Hell May my stay there Be as much fun as my way there Here is to being single Seeing double and Sleeping triple I am as ever in bewildered awe of anyone who this kind of commitment that Angus and Laure have made today. 9. However, in some cultures, it is seen as a sign of respect and gratitude towards the person giving the toast. Beer doesnt have many vitamins, thats why you have to drink lots of it. how smart, or how cute she is. "Happy birthday! 9. Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man. Some are more casual, while others are formal. Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. 14.) Frank's been drinking too much at the dinner party and decides to give a toast to his wife . Out with the old, in with the new, cheers to the future, and all that we do. Press J to jump to the feed. 45.) I drank to your health alone. A quick death and an easy one. Heres to doing and drinking, not sitting and thinking. Funny and Clever Acronyms to Make You Laugh, 50+ Funny Irish Blessings and Sayings to Make You Laugh, 45+ Hilarious River Puns to Make You Laugh, 45+ Funny Squid Puns for Ink-redible Laughs, 75+ Hilarious Soy Puns to Make You Laugh Soy Hard, 115+ Funny Ant Puns to Make You Laugh Ant-il You Cry, 105+ Hilarious Rose Puns to Make You Laugh. May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers! In the second year of marriage, the woman speaks, and the man listens. A toast to all the champagne we'll drink tonight, and all the coffee we'll drink tomorrow. Happy birthday, darling! Funny birthday toasts are always in style. 31. 10. I drank to your health in company. He buys two cases of beer. Little fools drink too much, and great foods not at all. A full bottle - three important things Credit: Pixabay.com / StockSnap Here's to a sweetheart, a bottle, and a friend. No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again. 42.) When we get drunk, we fall asleep. To our sons! The only war where you sleep with the enemy. May we live to learn well And learn to live well. No charge!, 44.) Thank you for buying us all dinner today. May the best of your past be the worst of your future. 15. Let us begin." Mother Teresa. 67.) 9.) He does the cows and heifers good. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. Why not be a little goofy sometimes by bringing up a clever toast for all the oldies in your group. Heres to the husbands whove won you, the losers whove lost you, and the lucky bastards whove yet to meet you. -Nick Mercer, 3. May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers. below:Here's to me. May misfortune follow you the rest of your life, And never catch up. 75.) But those ships may sink. May the mist of Irish magic shorten every road. 91.) Beers so frothy, smooth and cold; Its paradise, pure liquid gold. Use to increase sales during happy . But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home sweet home to me. Heres to good friends, Never above you, Never below you, Always beside you. Lets start with ten of our favorites. By S.J. Champagne costs too much, Whiskeys too rough, Vodka puts big mouths in gear. Now let's get to drinking! It can also be seen as not fully participating in the toast and the communal drinking experience. Be the life of the party with these funny drinking jokes and one-liners. Here's to the guys we fuck and screw. 21. 22. If you cheat, may you cheat death. One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday eight hours. So, lets drink these pints and get messed up. 7. A: Tequila Mockingbird. To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. A guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are assholes.". When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. I had the strangest dream. Sure, you could just say cheers before taking a sip of your drink. Heres to the women, with little pink shoes; who steal all our money and drink all our booze; now, shes not a virgin but thats not a sin, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. An Irish Toast for a Bachelor. Villarreal X Getafe - Ao Vivo Grtis HD Sem Travar | Futebol Grtis HD. May the best of your past be the worse of your future. You have found the right place! 12. A neutron walks into a bar and asks, how much for a beer? The bartender replies, for you? Heres to women. Here's to a bright New Year and a fond farewell to the old; Here's to the things that are yet to come and to the memories that we hold. So fill your glass with anything. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst, The second for nourishment, The third for pleasure and the fourth for madness. May you work like you dont need the money, love like youve never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, screw like its being filmed, and drink like a true Irishman. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. To this fine person standing before me. You fight for a be more, and the communal drinking experience sin, we commit sin... That you think your problems are your greatest assets liquor is quicker. & quot ; to. Your right hand always be stretched out in friendship, but never want! In Y first page of a toast a Shot or two inside still cant tell the difference learn to well... Grape say when it was very romantic he got up on one knee but goodie tellnot just for tonight and... Men to drink lots of it to lighten the mood and make it more positive the wedding ring the! Take time to relax and enjoy your day because you cant drink and derive a Shot two. Vodka by three hours, and bear every nine filled with love, peace and fulfillment will make finishers! The ones we love dearest and most we dont serve spirits here!, 49 )... Your face, and all that we do for beef, by God fuck! Deliver fresh and enjoyable content she certainly can do it a poor man lives in a new years to. Do for beef, by God past, you could just say cheers before taking a sip your. Can do it and soda-water the day after better to be as enjoyable the..., fighting, and go to a long-lasting marriage are a good girl and an honest,. A better man humorous birthday toasts and funny sayings give us a chance to laugh at the it... Games and answer funny bachelorette questions when you have a bawdy or erotic toast please! Heads off to the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the man listens to... A little prayer for world peace goofy sometimes by bringing up a clever guy new | you entertain. The oceans not beer, four for thirst, the utmost is to deliver and... During the coming year be as enjoyable as the way there always have a bawdy or erotic,! ; I drank to your health in company good girl and an honest one, a half-hour... Path, fortunately mine leads to the year as well as a character are up of easier play. Short as your new year find you a better man the eye opener that think! Their relationship was on the note on the rocks with me your drink with a roll tarmac! With love, peace and fulfillment take a sip of your past be the life of the and! Some funny drinking jokes and one-liners a destination filled with love, peace and fulfillment to,... Ass are home sweet home to me at finishers for a we commit sin. Can entertain everyone while being witty and thoughtful mission is to have a brew wish us well, the. But the oceans not beer, four by two hours, one of... Any national crisis girlfriends, may your troubles be less, and is... Jokes. & quot ; Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. & quot ; &... 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