Christmas again, eh? Ma’am! If he eats any more heartily, he will turn into a pie shop. All but Mr. Baldrick (Tony Robinson) view him as a victim. [stands] I must apologise! Frondo: No matter, Supreme Marshall of the Smells. Edmund: No, it’s really nothing. [he shouts something in German] [He reaches down, to pick up something and starts unwrapping it.] Elizabeth: [to Melchett] You know, for a moment I took against Christmas, but I’m completely dippy about it again. Baldrick: Yeah — pity she nicked all the presents.

[motions where it is]. This >is< [?]! Victoria: Sir! Victoria: [knowing that Albert’s wrapping a present for her] What are you doing, Albert? Thanks for all the prezzies…. Baldrick: …for the Malmydons — they wiped out our entire army. We have come to sing merrily and to make you a gift of a small pudding. Baldrick: I was thinking the same thing myself. Elizabeth: Ah! How can I be merry when we are so poor we shall have nothing to eat on Christmas Day? [goes to the back room]. Ebeneezer: Oh, dear… Ill-conceived love, I should warn you, is like a Christmas cracker: One massively disappointing bang, and the novelty soon wears off. but of course! How about a penny for the season? Blackadder: Well, they’re dead, if that’s what you mean. For it is for precisely such an outing as this that I have bought you my finest surprise present: this muff which I am going to give you tomorrow — Damn… Damn… Damn… [As he falls to his knees, Victoria pushes his face into her bosom. Elizabeth: …and I suppose that means that everything of Lord Melchett’s becomes yours. You’ve been tricked! Baldrick: …>thin< git. I’ll take it from there. [motions at Baldrick] I’ll just get rid of the servant, shall I? [slices off a piece of turkey] Here; have a wishbone. Ebeneezer: Ah, excellent, excellent. [stands, goes to the bedside] What a pig! That box of matches in your basket is just the thing I need.

[takes one], Ebeneezer: Well, I’ve got all the presents…. [goes inside and slams the door], [Later, in the back room, Ebenezer is feasting. [shakes Ralph’s hand].

Ebeneezer: [stands] Oh, dear me… [takes sock, and begins reaching inside it] But don’t be too unhappy; because, if you look very carefully, there’s something in this stocking from me…, Ebeneezer: In fact, it’s something I made for you…. Ebeneezer: Ah, how right you are, Baldrick. and we give Mrs Scratchit 17, so that leaves... Richard Whalley Anthony Curtis, CBE (born 8 November 1956) is a New Zealand-born English screenwriter, producer and film director.

Blackadder! [noises stop again], Ebeneezer: [chuckles] Oh, fine. I can remember a fatted calf, but, as I recall, that was quite a sensible animal.
Scratchit: [crying] Oh, Mr Blackadder!!!


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